Ellen: Thoughts & feelings

October 5, 2010

I try to cram in all the tangible things I do and see, but a big part of this experience is how I am feeling and how I am processing everything.

A third of my journal is already full, and I could probably be writing more. (“If I get it all down on paper it’s no longer inside of me threatening the life it belongs to” –Anna Nalick from”Breathe.” Really cheesy, but so incredibly relevant to my life right now)

I am overwhelmed—but in a good way. I was ready to be confused and frustrated, and I am! Unfortunately, I tend to be over-analytical of myself in situations and that cannot happen in India. I can adapt to people and situations, but India is always unpredictable and there is nothing I can do to adapt to that except stop thinking about everything and that just won’t happen. Every time I try to anticipate the way an experience will play out, it never NEVER goes the way I thought it would. (The rickshaw driver will never take the same route, nothing will ever be on time, you never know how much change you will get after you pay for something,  what you thought would be around the corner isn’t). I guess this makes sense in my head, but it might not translate well on the interwebs. But don’t worry: “ALL IS WELL” (youtube that plus “aamir khan”)

Moving on…

My biggest passions are all intersecting here in India. I have little siblings to dance with and take jumping pictures with, my internship is with an arts foundation, our last country analysis class was about Gender and Development and it started so many amazing conversations. Being in India goes along with moments in my life when I have breathed a deep sigh of relief saying “This is where I need to be.” It’s the realization that this is where I can be totally and completely myself and that is what will make this experience amazing.


One comment

  1. I’m applying for MSID India right now, to go next year, and reading about your experiences are making me want it more than anything. Thank you so much for sharing.

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