Archive for the ‘Danielle in France’ Category

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Danielle: finding myself in France

November 23, 2009

So. Today. I also realized that I love it here. Not just curious in the exciting way that I felt before. But actually have the feeling that I can come home to a place in this France. Curl up in bed for forty minutes. Wake up. And talk to people that, even though it took forever to warm up to. I really do like. Its nicer now too that I understand everything they’re actually saying. Right? And I think here is a fine time to insert something I wrote on the train yesterday:

I don’t know what its like to be anything but all the too much that I am. And even though I will try for too long to understand all the too much-es out there. I’m always going to do it knowing that all my too much can be just enough for all those people who understand why sitting on the ground is sometimes better than a chair. Why a happy ending is a combination of each minute where you understand that everything really is okay. Why cookies before bed. Bananas with peanut butter. and milk chocolate are somehow just enough to feel just enough. Why life is better when you see it clearly. But why optimism can bring you farther when mixed with that clarity.

The part I’m going to mention right now is the last line. Because I saw it ringing true today. When I came home plagued with the ever lasting drags of thoughts. I found another piece of the puzzle I was missing as I took out the burgundy rock from three months ago. the one thought that out of all the rocks on that beach. And I promise you. There were many. I also missed this one until it was picked up and given to me. and out of all the beautiful unique amazing rocks. I can now not imagine not having this certain one right in front of me even though its not the color I would have picked. It has a crack along one side and many more scratches as well. But somehow now. I’ll take the scratches. The crack. The color. And it can be my own. The little girl living here might have tantrums. The vegetables might sometimes looks like uncooked seaweed. The lines might be too long and too slow. And people might be rude on the tram. But I’ll take it because a part of me is now here too. Just like all the people around me. that I love most of the time and like for the most part. Have so many things that drive me crazier than I could have thought they could. But just like my cold but nicely smooth rock in front of me. Sometimes you have to take the good with the bad. Learn which parts of yourself fit where. And realize that sometimes you don’t get to choose where your heart decides to lay. And somehow by chance sometimes and patience others, you get to understand why you could never imagine your life without that other small piece.

Learning. As much as I possibly can. Still makes me realize that there are a bunch of things that I’m missing. I know this. And reluctantly I’m going to try to take it as just the way it is. But I hope that for today you can understand a bit more about what is going on in my head. Along with the insert I put a paragraph above, I wrote a good twelve pages of other things. So closing for right now I’m going to put the closing of that nicely long note.

As I sit here with my feet getting cold eating carrots and getting closer and closer to a place that somehow became my place of comfort, I realize that the confrontation of self has made that self echo instead of fold and each word I write reminds me of the parts that make me who I am. The parts that I love. The parts that need tweaking. And the parts that in writing this, I hope someone finds in themselves too.

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Danielle: Marseille

November 14, 2009

I went to Marseille yesterday. And I really liked it. These last weekends have been some of the best ive spent here. I went to Geneva last weekend. And I liked it because of a mixture of the feeling of actually being content and just because the places were just amazing. I loved the train ride to Geneva and the trees and how everything is turning red. I loved looking across the lake to the mountains. I like the old streets and the big gardens. I like the cloudy sky. I liked the quiet the cold and I really liked the people I was with. And yesterday. We climbed an island and up a really big hill to see the city yesterday with sherry and kristen. I loved climbing on the rocks of the island. I liked how strong the wind was. I liked the clouds here too. And the way they looked with the water. And sea.

Next weekend im going to London. I just bought my tickets yesterday. So Friday at seven in the morning (gross) im going to be sitting on a train to paris and then from paris to London. Don’t know really what im going to do there. A weekend with English is going to be both kinda uncomfortable and comfortable at the same time. I think. I was thinking about it. and expect with some of my friends. Ive been speaking French to the general population for almost three months. Im kinda attached to it. Im starting to feel more comfortable talking to people and reading things and writing things. Which btw. Five pages into my Moliere paper. Ten points to that. And just. Hmm. Comfortable.

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Danielle: Shopping? Don’t forget your book.

October 13, 2009

This is something that is important not to forget. But I’ll get into that later. Im sitting right now at the dining room table. Well. The kitchen table. In the kitchen. Its 730 and were going to eat dinner soon. We usually eat in this room. The kitchen. With the five of us at the table but tonight I think there is another kid here. One of the friends of one of the girls. So tonight were eating at the dining room table. Whatever it is smells good. I do enjoy having food there without having to cook. But again. I do like being able to cook for myself. Tomorrow I’m going to buy a coat because it’s the first week of actual autumn. Its going to be in the low to high sixties all week. And im so happy for this. I love this weather. It’s refreshing. The heat suffocates me. so obviously you can see why I would pick the cold more than the heat. This kinda of cold. 60 degrees colder and the weather burns. Suffocates in a different way. But still. Its better then being hot and sweaty. And getting headaches cause the sun cant seem to leave you the hell alone.  Yesterday was a perfect day. I woke up and had the house to myself. read. Ate breakfast. Made tea. Ate lunch in bed (shhhhh….this probably isn’t allowed. But I didn’t make a mess so no foul right?) and then went to this amazingly beautiful beach side town with a very amazing person that im very glad to have made friends with. I got to speak French for a few hours too. And explain English. Which is always my favorite thing. then I ate dinner with my family and read. And wrote. And drank tea. Who could ask for a more perfect day?

So. I’m overall happy right now. I’m getting a lot better at French. I can hold a conversation for an extended period of time and talk about a range of subjects. Yes. It does need to get better. My French does. Whats the French word…ameliorer? I think I put an extra letter in there then I should have. I’ll look later. But it looks right. Hm. Not sure. Anyway. Yes. Its getting better and I feel comfortable speaking to people. Going to eat. A toute a l’heure

Okay. Dinner is over. We ate lasagna. Mmmm…this is one of my favorite meals. Its different than in the states because there is different sauces used. And here we usually always eat it vegetarian. This is quite fine by me. By chance. I got the family that is almost completely vegetarian. This makes me very happy. I would like to eat chicken a bit more. But other then that. Happy. During dinner I had a very nice talk with the dad which almost never happens. I’m trying to make more of an effort with him because I like the mom so much. There has to be something good about him right? And there is. He is just hard to like sometimes. Hard to talk to. but he likes explaining things which really does come in handy for me. The only time it gets annoying is when it feels like hes explaining something because he thinks im ignorant about the topic. Last night we talked about the taxes here in France and…something else but I cant remember. Oh. Cell phones. We talked about them. I have a lot of things. Actually. That I want to talk about right now. And I really don’t want to do my homework. Its not much. But I promised myself I was going to do extra phonetics. Im going to pick 20 words and try to translate them into…I can’t remember the name…the phonetic language. And I need to write this quick thing for methodology. Shouldn’t be hard. But I have an hour tomorrow before im going to eat lunch at 115 that’s free so getting myself to do this homework is going to be hard. Tonight. Well see what happens. Read the rest of this entry ?

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